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My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I slept with my best friend’s wife last night and now I feel terrible. …. ….. She must have given me a cold or something.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
about love
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?