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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
It`s not stalking if you love them!