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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here watching sheep.”
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet