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I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room