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I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
So much to do and so few alibis.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.