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I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.