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My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
it`s friday o clock
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.