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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
:): The Bipolar smiley face