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Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.