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My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
I just made you think of an elephant
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.