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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.