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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!