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You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong