Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
Mondays should start at noon.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.