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At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?