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Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.