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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"