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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.