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I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.