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9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.