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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.