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Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.