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To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
is "insert clever remark here."
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.