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Dear Santa, I was framed!
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.