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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Keep calm and drink on.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.