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Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!