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Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.