Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.