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No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.