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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.