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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out