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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
never tell a lie...unless it is true
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.