Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.