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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.