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You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.