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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.