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You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Iām sorry I offended you with my common sense.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought Iād take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.