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Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or prettier than you. That would be me.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
drinks well with others.