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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?