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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.