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20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
I’m bored enough to clean.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.