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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100