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Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"