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Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.