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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly