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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.