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I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.