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Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.