Daily Silly Status

My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.

I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.

I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))

I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....

How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake

I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.

If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol

If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!

I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at

I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.

I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.

Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.

Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.

I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."

I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"