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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.