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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?