Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......