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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.