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Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.