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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.